Monday, 31 July 2017

I talk to the wind, my words are all carried away

I've held a few different blogs over the years. LiveJournal was always my favourite. It was raw and it was more about community and truly connecting with people rather than anything superficial. People shared their lives, not an unrealistic idealised version of themselves and I thought of my friends list as actual friends. Blogging no longer feels like a place to express yourself, all blogs are starting to look the same. I always want my blog to be more of a journal as even the word 'blog' conjures images of sterile, editorial style posts, of "growing a following". I've never wanted a 'following', just to have my own little corner of the www where I could share my inner most world, my interests and passions, and hopefully find like-minded people to befriend. But it's difficult to remember that with so much background noise of how you supposedly should be doing it.

I'm easily influenced, which often leaves me feeling vulnerable if I share too much or don't do things in the accepted way. Whilst I've never set out to make money from blogging nor do it professionally, I still end up backing myself into a corner and begin to feel boxed in by my blog. I've had many over the years, some more successful than others. The more successful ones are the ones in which I water myself down and only show a specific facet to my personality. I'm a little tired of it. This blog is my attempt to reclaim that. To blog like the days of old, expressing creativity without a care. It may be a little eclectic, but I'm OK with that.

I'm an illustrator, an artist, a dress maker; I create new vintage clothes using vintage fabric and patterns, and I'd like to get back into cosplay and making my own costumes. I enjoy photography but I hesitate to call myself a photographer. I like catching pictures of things that people forget to notice. I love nature, and I practice witchcraft. I collect crystals and candles. I love cosmetics and fashion, although I'm trying to buy less of both and spend my money on experiences instead of stuff. I'm trying to lead a less cluttered, more purposeful life. Disneyland Paris is my second home, I've been an annual pass holder for a few years. I had to let it expire recently and I'm still heartbroken. I love the magic and the fairy tales and all of the happiness that I find there. I've also visited the Disney parks in Anaheim and Tokyo, and I went to Orlando as a child. I like to go on adventures and I want to travel more. I'm desperate to go back to Tokyo especially. I love Japanese culture and street fashions.

My favourite way to have my coffee is a flavoured latte because I don't much like the taste of coffee. I'm forever sleepy though so I need it. I'm always trying to learn French, but I don't have a head for languages. I persist as I dream of one day going to Disneyland Paris and being able to speak with cast members and guests in the local language with ease. My favourite band are Pink Floyd, especially their earlier psychedelic sounds with Syd. I collect secondhand vinyl, I have around 800 LPs and 45s. My favourite pastime is digging through dusty crates in old record stores and junk shops.

I love aesthetics. I love decorating my home and creating a space where I feel happy. Something I've had to learn is that you can make anywhere your home. It's up to you to find joy wherever you are. I struggle with mental illness, but I try not to forget that there's so much good in this world. I know that I'm ignorant about a lot of things but I am so excited to learn what I can.

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