Saturday, 19 August 2017

'Maybe my passion is nothing special, but at least it's mine'

It's funny, I used to be able to sit down and blog about just about anything. I'd update numerous times a week about my thoughts and experiences, and yet now I feel like I just don't know how to do that anymore. I've forgotten how to document, what to even say. I've built walls around myself and become too self aware of who might be reading and what image of myself I might be conveying. I don't know when I got so guarded and self critical, but I'd love to stop over analyzing and second guessing myself and just blog freely like I used to about anything I fancy.

I've always been fascinated with Finland. When I was a teenager almost all of my favourite musicians and bands were Finnish. My favourite artist and writer (Tove Jansson) is Finnish. One of my closest friends in college was Finnish. A lot of my favourite bloggers have been Finnish. I have no idea why but it's a country and culture that's kept crossing my path and I've connected to a lot for many years.

I've always wanted to learn Finnish, but it's often described as one of the most difficult languages in the world. It's of the Finno-Ugric languages which are unrelated to most others. I decided 'it's supposed to be hard' is a pretty pathetic excuse not to try something so I decided to give it a go. This book and audio set by Terttu Leney is quite highly recommended by linguists so I'm hoping for the best. One of the first sentences in the book is "Don't believe people who tell you Finnish is difficult", and I have to say I've been getting along with it really well so far.

I've attempted to learn languages many times over the years; I studied German at school but didn't feel enthusiastic about it, and I've attempted to teach myself French and Japanese without much success. I can never get past the phase of translating each word for word from English to the other language as I'm speaking it so it never feels natural, but I've also only ever learnt it very sporadically. I'm planning on visiting Finland early 2018 so hopefully this will help keep me motivated and give my learning purpose. I fully believe immersion is key so I'm really trying to absorb myself in as much Finnish as possible.

I've splurged on a bit of tech lately. I'm not a 'gamer', but I've always enjoyed playing on Nintendo DS. I enjoy how portable it is and all of my favourite games are released for it. I bought the new Nintendo 2DS XL. I've wanted an XL model for years for the larger screen but have held back as I have a perfectly good 3DS. I prefer the 2D models so as the 2DS XL can play 3DS games it felt perfect. I also finally bought Animal Crossing New Leaf. Better late than never! It's exactly the type of game I enjoy so I'm not sure why it took me so long.

I also bought a secondhand Wacom Cintiq for my artwork. Earlier this year I bought an iPad Pro and Apple Pencil as I'd heard they were better than a Cintiq, but it's decision I'd come to regret. The iPad may be more portable, but I'm restricted by how much battery power I have which can drain quickly when it's used constantly. I've also grown tired of constantly having to transfer files between my computer and iPad, and also I simply don't like the feeling of drawing on glass, it doesn't feel natural to me. The Cintiq is textured to feel more like paper, it plugs into the wall so there's no power issue, and as it's attached to my computer my files are right there. It's an absolute dream to use and I couldn't be happier with it, it's made me feel excited about digital art again.

I've been struggling a lot with my art lately and feeling unmotivated. I've gotten myself into a real perfectionists mindset so I'm too scared to even begin anything for fear of it not turning out perfectly. I've forgotten how to just make a mess in a sketchbook, forgotten that no one has to see my sketchbook but me so I have total freedom. I think I'm finally breaking out of it at long last. I was looking through an old art tumblr account of mine that I haven't updated in about 5 years and remembering how much fun I used to have with my artwork, before it started to feel like work. I've also been watching a lot of illustrators on YouTube. I've always had a handful in my subscriptions, now it's almost exclusively all I watch. I'm thinking of taking my own channel in that direction, but I'm also thinking of stopping YouTube altogether so we'll see I guess.


  1. Hi there! I like the new space :) Finnish looks like quite an interesting language. I have always been drawn to more difficult languages. I tried learning Swedish for a bit, also Polish and Russian, but never got very far. I always go back to Studying French because I have been studying it on an off since I was little so I feel like I might as well continue with it..

    I got a DS with animal crossing new leaf last year! I love it!

    I have also been feeling a bit lost with blogging lately. I want to start doing little daily life updates again so maybe that will help bring back some inspiration.

    1. Thank you! I'm feeling much the same with blogging, and I feel like I've blogged myself into a corner on my other account. I'm hoping a fresh new space will be the ticket to inspire me again, I miss the days of personal blogging instead of having a "theme" and want to get back to it!

      I've always wanted to learn Swedish too, I figured I'd try that one if I either give up on or master (ha!) Finnish. French is the one I always fall back on too, but I just hate their grammar and struggle with pronunciation. I seem to have taken to Finnish quite well so far, so here's hoping I might actually be able to develop some level of fluency in something!

  2. Oh wow! :o Finland's a place in Europe I'd really like to visit too, but I had no idea it was dubbed as one of the most difficult languages to learn! I hope learning this one ends up being a successful feat for you!

    Ooh, I have a 3DS too! I've played New Leaf for almost a year now, and it's still the only 3DS game I've kept my hands glued to. It's mostly relaxing and is such a cute, heartwarming game. Let me know if you'd like to be New Leaf friends, and I'll message you my code. :)

    (Sorry if you happen to see duplicates of this comment; I don't think commenting through LJ works anymore [not that it matters 'cause I'm contemplating on deleting AG], so commenting through Google it is!)

    1. Yes I'd love to be New Leaf friends! ♥︎ Though I'm not super active on it at the moment what with classes starting up again, eek! It's such a nice game to unwind with though.

      Thank you so much for your comments, it made me day seeing them! <3


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